Death to Self, by a Thousand Tiny Cuts…

Then Jesus told his disciples, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 16:24-25)

This is one of the three scripture verses that St. Francis used as the basis for the Rules of Life of his three orders. But Jesus didn’t just mean it for his the penitential orders, but for all his followers. Dying to self, one desire at a time, should be for us a continuous undertaking—death to self by a thousand tiny cuts.

We might wonder, do the little things really matter? Let us check with St. Faustina. In her Diary, she describes with breathtaking simplicity what happened in her personal illumination of conscience.

“Suddenly I saw the complete condition of my soul as God sees it. I could clearly see all that is displeasing to God. I did not know that even the smallest transgressions will have to be accounted for. What a moment! Who can describe it? To stand before the Thrice-Holy-God!”

—St. Faustina, Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary #36

That’s pretty clear! I can’t help but wonder, if the experience was that distressing to St. Faustina, what will it be like for the rest of us?

Often in confession we tend to focus on the biggest, baddest weeds in the spiritual garden. That’s great! We should. But once they have been eradicated, it would be fruitful to bend down (think humility) and scour the earth for those tiny, persistent weeds, that don’t seem so bad but can grow to be big problems later on—a pre-emptive strike.

I originally wrote this piece for the newsletter of the Franciscan group I belong to, the Brothers and Sisters of Penance of St. Francis. As I was pondering what direction this message would take, words kept coming to me that began with the letter “C”. Certainly “cuts” is one of them, as in “death by a thousand tiny cuts”. So I made a list of those tiny, persistent weeds we may need to “cut” out before they get away on us.

Here are some of the “C” words that came to me. Most of them identify weeds that I am very familiar with myself, and need to be vigilant about cutting out.

Complaining – Once I asked God what to give up for Lent, and the first word that popped into my head was “complaining”. Try giving it up for 40 days and you’ll see how insidiously it works its way into daily life. Complaining is the height of ingratitude. Even small complaints offend our God who loves us and makes all things work for good for those who love him. Complaints are a poison that feeds the spirit of negativity in the world. Here’s one example of turning the tables on a complaint. I live in Canada, so winters are long. Recently I learned this trick. Whenever I hear someone complaining about the weather, I quote the book of Daniel: “Ice and snow, bless the Lord; Frost and chill, bless the Lord!” Usually that brings a begrudging smile out of the complainer, but more to the point, it gives glory to God even in hardship. Glory to God is the whole point of everything.

Correcting – There is fraternal correction that is kind, gentle, and done in private. Then there is the correction of the self-righteous. It is often public, prideful, and mostly unnecessary. I am someone who values accuracy and clarity. Sometimes it is important to give voice to accuracy and clarity, as in a police report or a math equation. But in casual conversation, for the sake of charity, I have to learn to let it go!

Criticizing – This is a very bad weed. Even small criticisms draw blood, whether the person is present or absent. Tiny cuts. Persistent or relentless criticisms are more like scourges. Jesus feels every lash of the tongue, as does the one criticized. Don’t delay! Cut out that weed now!

Comfort – As a penitent I have some work to do on this one. Comfort is an easy sell. We don’t like things too hot, too cold, too hard, too soft, too spicy, too salty. These days there’s an app or a pill for everything that ails us! It helps to remember that seeking endless comfort is akin to complaining and has its roots in ingratitude. We will be endlessly comfortable in heaven, but here, while there are still souls to be saved, let us find little things to “offer up”. It’s good practice for when the big things crop up.

Commenting – This is a big, bad weed in the social media age. It is also a temptation in most social situations. Do we really need to voice our opinion on everything? What does it change? Does it build up or tear down? Hold every thought captive to Christ. These days, face masks are everywhere. As a penance we can view face masks as a reminder that we should pray more and talk less. God will give us wisdom if we pray. That alone will give us something worth saying.

Curiosity – This social media age, the TV and news cycle fosters the belief that everything is our business. Is it really? Curiosity is a huge distraction from the spiritual life. It would be good to review what we give our time and attention to and cut out the excess. As a Franciscan, I need to keep it simple—and trust, always trust.  

Complacency – This is defined as “a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself”. It is an attitude of, “Whatever. It’s nothing to me.” These are complex times. Confusing times. Dangerous times. Our focus can’t be on our own will and our own good, but on the Divine Will and the good of the other, love of God and love of neighbor. In a word, caring.

Conditions – Do we imitate Jesus, who is totally self-giving, or do we set conditions on our generosity? There is an inspiring story about Catherine Doherty, who had a very hard life. After WWI, she and her husband were literally starving. Her husband was ill and suffering from shell shock. In one instance of heroic charity, Catherine saved for her husband the egg from her lunch, although she was extremely weak herself after a day of work and almost fainted on the way home. It was doubly heroic because her husband was abusive, unfaithful, and made her life miserable. This was not done in servile fear, but in heroic charity. She was one who set no conditions on her generosity.

These are just a few of the “C” words that came to me. There are probably a lot more, and we could no doubt make similar lists for every letter of the alphabet. That might not be a bad exercise to, once a month, take the alphabet to confession!

Of course, it is not enough to identify the weeds and tirelessly pull them out. The best way to make sure they don’t come back is to replace them with the wholesome plants of compassion, consideration, charity, clarity, contentment, consolation, courage, contrition, confession, and contemplation of the Cross of Christ.

Fr. Dave Pivonka said this in his “Wild Goose” series on the Holy Spirit: “The Spirit convicts us in order to convert us, not to condemn us.”

Come Holy Spirit! In your mercy, convict, convert, correct, and console us. Amen.

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